Enjoying life one day at a time » normeee

A Patient’s Story of Triumph

normeee — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 09:45:44 +0000

Hi! I know most of you are wondering how I am. So I am posting it here para isahang kwento nalang hehe. Here’s my testimony which I shared last February 14 at our worship service and some more updates about me, which I am sharing with you.

Stomach pain has troubled me for the longest time. I’ve been always complaining about abdominal pain ever so often, especially when I’m at the height of stress or I’ve eaten something that aggravated the acid in my tummy. Sometimes the pain would spread to my back that walking or even sitting up for a few minutes is unbearable. Whenever attacks would happen, I’d go to the doctor and it will be dismissed as peptic ulcer. However, even with prescribed medications, the pain only progressed as the years went by. And this particular night was the worst abdominal pain I’ve ever experienced.

I was rushed to the emergency room of the Manila Doctors’ Hospital on the midnight of February 2 after experiencing intense headache and stomach pain that caused me to throw up and faint. I thought it was the end of me. When I gained consciousness, the pain was so excruciating that I was uttering “God, take me!” on top of my painful cries.”I’m ready to go home anyway then let it be tonight,” I thought. But who am I to ask God that? Instead, God gave me strength to endure the pain until I was wheeled into a private room where I will be further examined by specialists.

Even under medication, the pain in my middle and upper right abdomen never went away. Several tests were done on me to identify the cause of it. The ultrasound read that I had gallstone and one of them found its way in my biliary duct that obstructs the flow of bile which may be the reason for the pain. The doctors told us that I need to undergo ERCP, a procedure that will look into my innards to check the obstruction and which will also try to remove it. My gastro doctor explained to us the complications it will entail like pancreatitis and internal bleeding aside from the fact that he might not be able to take it out depending on the size and solidity of the gallstone; in that case, I would have to undergo an open gall bladder surgery.

It is in this period that I’ve appreciated all the more the meaning of being part of God’s spiritual family. Family and friends shared their own gallstone stories and advised us to seek second opinion. Praise the Lord for how we are all connected in many ways. I was able to seek advice from two good doctors who both told me that undergoing ERCP must be taken though there are other options such as Laparoscopy which won’t have to cut me open in case of a gall bladder operation. So we’ve decided to go with ERCP. However, this gastro doctor is not affiliated with my medical insurance. For the first time since I was confined, worry struck me, “Pa’no na yan, gastos namin?” But I stood in faith, telling God this setback. I prayed, “The one you love is sick, Lord, and I need ERCP to check the cause of pain so that they would know how to address it. I believe you are sovereign and your favor is with me, I will rest in you.” Instantly, worry left me. The evening before the procedure, the insurance agent called us and said that the doctor accredited our health card and we don’t have to worry about the expenses of the procedure. Isn’t God faithful?

The results came back and said that though there were dilatations in the duct, there is no stone! The gastro doctor just placed a stent in me to help the bile to flow since the passageway was inflamed. The surgeon on standby, having no reason to operate on me, cleared me from gall bladder surgery. Hallelujah! God can still cause miracles even to this day. Everybody praying with us praised the Lord for this good news and we were all in high spirits for what God has done. However, the pain remained; even more agonizing than in the days before the procedure. There is no stone that could cause it and the stent should have helped ease the pain at least. They said MRI is needed so that they can see more clearly the bladder and the biliary duct to check why there’s still pain. But the hospital didn’t have the facility and they had to look for another hospital with MRI equipment. It was already the weekend and therefore if the facility is available even in near hospitals, we may have to wait longer to be accommodated. As I lay on the bed, rest evaded me. Literal na namimilipit ako sa sakit. Several pain killers were injected but it would only provide temporary relief. Minutes after, I would writhe again in agonizing pain. I knew this is no longer physical. I am in spiritual warfare. I know it is the enemy who is causing this on me.

Prior to this event, I was at the peak of doing the Lord’s work. Satan is furious because the National Bible Week that happened in January 25-31 proved to be very successful as many Filipinos actively participated in the celebration. Catholics and Protestants, in unity, enthroned the Word of God and His Word was spoken, heard, and declared all over the country. God’s faithful answer to my request during my more than a week of prayer and fasting. God never inflicts his children with sickness. And Satan knows that he can only afflict our physical bodies but never crush our spirits. 2 Cor. 4:8 said “We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed and broken. We are perplexed but we don’t give up and quit.” Having realized this, I did not allow the enemy to discourage me. Aren’t I more than a conqueror, for he who is in me is greater than he who is in the world? And so whenever intense pain attacks, as we wait for the doctor’s next instruction, I kept declaring, “Lord I will praise you even in pain!”

In every painful episode, it was my mom I was most concerned about. I saw how helpless she felt whenever I would go through each attack. But I thank the Lord for her prayerful spirit. I believe that God honored her faith as I was being healed. That Monday morning, Mama was reminded of James 1:5 through her devotion, “If you need wisdom—if you want to know what God wants you to do—ask him, and he will gladly tell you. He will not resent your asking.” With that, my mom was strengthened by the Lord and was even given boldness as she spoke to the doctor. She asserted to have a CT scan instead of MRI. The doctor agreed and the next day I was prepared for the procedure.

According to the CT scan, I have a Type 1 choledochal cyst in the biliary duct that has grown to about 4cm. This causes the blockage of the bile that resulted to the abnormal size of my gall bladder. Therefore, whenever the bile is having difficulty flowing, the pain would occur. It is congenital, said the hepatobiliary doctor who was a recent add to the already team of 5 doctors looking into my case. He said there is no other way to take it out but through excision and that the gall bladder has to go with it as well. If I choose to defer the surgery, it would only complicate the condition of the cyst as well as my bladder. Mama and I decided right there to go with the operation. God’s provision of wisdom and favor was with us that day. Since the doctor cannot operate on me until next week, he said I may choose to be discharged and rest at home and be re-admitted for the surgery. I asked kung saan pa syang hospital nagpapractice. It turns out he is also affiliated with PGH, Asian Medical and St. Luke’s among many others. Since he is basically the specialist who will now be taking over my case, with my Papa’s consent, we preferred to go to PGH as it was strategically closer to where we live, much more affordable and hold the best roster of doctors in the country. And to our gratefulness, the doctor said he will be the one to take care of all the hospital reservations needed. God is really amazing.

Even the maxing out of my health card proved to be part of God’s plan. Had they known sooner that it was congenital, none of the hospital expenses will be covered since it is a pre-existing disease. Grabe ang Panginoon talaga, nakakatuwa! Now shouldering all the excess hospital costs, God still proved himself to be a Jehovah Jireh. Blessing upon blessing just poured out. We are all in awe. And so tomorrow, I will be admitted to PGH to prepare me for my Wednesday surgery. It is a major and meticulous operation according to the doctor. But I and my family are not troubled. For we believe that God is with us. We have claimed and believed in Philippians 4:6-7 and that peace is what we have in our hearts now.

I would like to take this time to thank all of you for the blessings and encouragement you sent us through your company, visits, texts, phone calls, provision and earnest prayers during this entire ordeal. God knows who you are and we pray that the Lord will return your goodness a hundred fold, in Jesus’ name. Please do keep praying for me as I claim Jeremiah 30:17, “I will give you back your health and heal your wounds, says the Lord.” After this, I will carry on and never stop. I will declare the Word of God and make him known. People need to know our great God. I also want them to experience the same joy I have in my heart because he is my Lord. The enemy may try to cause yet another affliction, but I will not back down. Bring it on! I am not afraid because Jesus has given me victory. Paul reminds the believers in 2 Cor. 4:7, 11, “But this special treasure—this light and power that now shine within us—is held in perishable containers, that is, in our weak bodies. So everyone can see that our glorious power is from God and is not our own… Yes, we live under constant danger of death because we serve Jesus, so that the life of Jesus will be obvious in our dying bodies.” What amazing privilege to be used by Him! After this, Pastor Dave will discuss the earlier verses of this portion so that we will be encouraged more and won’t lose heart. In all that has happened, to God be all glory and praise for I live for Him alone. Good morning!

Right now I am out of the hospital and currently recovering at home in Laguna. I am doing well sans my gall bladder and the cyst that has kept me in pain for years. All systems are working properly. I can also eat full meals, though in smaller portions still. I can move around and sit up without assistance. Praise God for his healing! I am grateful to God also for Dr. Crisostomo Arcilla Jr. who did the surgery and has given us favor in my entire 9-day confinement in PGH. He has truly been a blessing to me and my family.

Surely I have personally witnessed God’s hand upon us in this situation. I never could imagine going through it without Jesus. I am glad he is my Lord and he loves me. Again, thank you to everyone who prayed with us, your faith has glorified the Lord. I will see you all very soon! To my family who supported and looked after me, may the Lord bless you indeed and strengthen you. And to Daniel, in sickness or in health, you were there—thank you for taking care of me… I love you.

And to God Almighty who won this battle for me… Hallelujah!

This is my story. This is how God showed me victory. And you my friend, whatever you may be going through, take heart, for the Lord has overcome it for you.

Filed under: Faith, Grown-up Lessons

Waking up from a “broken” dream

normeee — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 01:06:12 +0000

A weird dream once again formed in my subconscious last night. I cannot fully remember what the dream was about but one thing I can recall very vividly…I literally had a mouthful of shattered glass. What that actually meant, I have no idea. This I’m sure about though–it left me a very uncomfortable feeling when I finally woke up–no, there weren’t any shards of glass in my mouth, but I felt as if it have been there because my jaws were tired and I can actually taste it.

I’m not even sure why I am writing about this now. If only I can create from this “fragment” a masterpiece of some sort as the brilliant Samuel Taylor Coleridge did or note it for future reference of poems I intend to write just like Ms. Marianne Moore.

I’ve been trying to make sense of it. Could this dream be a representation of what’s going to be broken or is broken? Why in my mouth? Does the broken glass denote my fragility or could it connote things in my life that I stuff myself with that may be my own frustration? Sadly, I wasted time hoping that the walls of my room would answer and at least help me figure it out somehow. And now, I just feel lost.

I still cannot quite recover from it. Whatever those shattered glass in mouth meant, I hope and pray it’s not something grave.

Posted in Attack of the Eccentric

Not another Train movie?!

normeee — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 12:52:42 +0000

Who said that putting Denzel Washington and John Travolta together in a suspense film would make a badass movie? The Taking of Pelham123 is badass if I was like 13 years old and didn’t have any clue about conspiracy and hostage drama. A deadpan Travolta with a goatie and tattoo already gave away his role in the film, which tells you it would be a very predictable story. The only good I saw here was how Denzel Washington’s character was carefully established, i.e. growing on the hostage taker—though the sarcasm in some of his lines failed to be sarcastic—it seems as if this movie was written around Washington’s role and not the actual taking of Pelham123. As the film progressed, I still wanted to believe there’s something miraculous in the story—yet even Travolta’s escape falls short of climax. I feel insulted for these award-winning actors having to cast in such a poorly written screenplay.

washington vs. travolta

Posted in Art Fill, Film Rolls

The only One I want

normeee — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 06:50:52 +0000

“When the years are showing on my face
And my strongest days are gone
When my heart and flesh depart this place
From a life that sung your song

You’ll still be the one I want.“

:: Arithmetic, Brooke Fraser

Posted in Faith

There’s such a thing as Sibling Position

normeee — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 02:07:26 +0000

According to Murray Bowen at least. Jordan shared this and I thought it’s riveting so I’m posting it here. And it’s just funny that his study (Bowen) is quite accurate to say the least. But I kinda disagree on some points but in general, Mr. Bowen hits home!

So this is me….

7. Oldest Sister of Brother(s): “She can take care of men, at least she could, if one would let her. But usually she does find opportunities. She is independent and strong in a inconspicious way. Often one only notices in retrospect how well taken, foresightful and competent her actions have been. She does not insist on the credit, at least as long as the men whom she did things for get it. She is practical, concrete, of a healthy egotism, and sometimes self-effacing, although chiefly for her men…Officially in a leading position, she is, in general, tactful and unoffensive to those working under her, shows a strict, yet kind, efficiency, and is able to regulate work gracefully and expediently…female friends are less important to her than they would be to the oldest and youngest sister of sister(s) only. Her friendships would be on condition. Her friends would have to serve a purpose.” (Now I beg to disagree on female friends being less important. Actually, I need my girlfriends, almost always. So my beautiful girls are really equally if not more important than my guy comrades.)

♥♥♥

OK NOW LET’S MAKE THIS FUN & HAVE EVERYONE PARTICIPATE. AFTER LETTING ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK THROUGH MAKING A COMMENT, COPY & PASTE THE SIBLING POSITION YOU ARE IN BELOW SO YOU CAN THEN MAKE YOUR OWN POST. THEN YOU COULD JUST TAG & REPEAT THIS PROCESS & FIND OUT FROM YOUR OTHER FRIENDS MORE ABOUT YOURSELF & THEN THEY TOO MAY JOIN. YEAH, HE MADE THIS ONE UP. ENJOY!

♥♥♥

THE SIBLING POSITIONS:

1. Oldest Brother of Brother(s)
“He is a leader, the master of other men, whether he shows it by force or cunning. He is in charge. He is in control, not so much of a fieldof work or endeavor as he is of other people in that field…He is on good terms with other males- except for another another oldest brother of brothers…He is a tough guy with women. He will not fall for any of them, nut be delighted and thrilled, though outwardly unwincing, if they fall for him. He will tend to treat girls like younger brothers and expect them to live up to his assignements…Generally speaking, friendships tend to be strong and a welcome supplement of marriage. If…[he] can keep his friends, he will find it easier to get along with his wife. One friend might be too little. A gang of friends would appear to be more satisfying.

2. Youngest Brother of Brother(s)
“He is a capricious and willful man, a person who can surprise and amaze his elders by his daring, but who can also annoy and antagonize them…He is not a leader. If in any position in authority, he will appear to lack stability, justice and insight into the various problems involved…He is a soft one with women, a gentleman, a cavalier, even where he plays the tough one or the cynic. He is shy, ackward, almost innocent, and women are often willing to bestow much more on him than he asked for…As for male friends, he get’s along best with older brother of brother(s)…So important are male friends to the youngest brother of brother(s) tha he will sometimes be willing to sacrifice a girl in order to keep a boy. He flocks to prophets, advisors, [superintendents] and psychotherapy, and usually loves what he can get.”

3. Oldest Brother of Sister(s)
“He is a friend of all the girls and ladies, whether sincerely or with tongue in cheek. Love of the tender sex is the most important of all concerns, no matter how important his other engagements…He can accept authorities as long as they do not interefere in his private affairs…if the person in the superior position is a woman, he will concede that she may be broad in her outlook and have a say in things other than her field of competence. However, the woman must always keep in mind that she is a woman and that, in this very capacity, she has to be the subordinate, the submissive, patient, and wise friend…The oldest brother of sister(s) is usually not ‘one of the boys’. He is no gang man. There is nothing in the company of men that could be had as well or better from women.”

4. Youngest Brother of Sister(s)
“He’s a girl’s boy. They love him. They dote on him. He evokes all kinds of maternal instincts in them. It does not matter what he undertakes or where he is heading, they will tend to be around, assist him in his endeavors or, more ofter, take care of his physical needs…Where his talents are great, he is capable of real accomplishments, preferably as an individual or as the star of a team. He can lose himself in the pursuit of his work, provided there is little interferance from others, especially males, and provided some motherly females look after some of the bare necessities of life…His work will sometimes be sloppy, though usually adequate, and at other times a masterpiece. He will surprise his superiors forever by these functions and his apparent, though not intrisic, reluctance to take any orders at all…His pyschological understanding of people, particularly those working under him, is often lacking…IT should be mentioned that he may also establish something like friendships or platonic relationships with older women, or women who have held senior positions among siblings, or both. These may be his real and true friendships, the ones he cares for much than he does for all those with males.”

5. Oldest Sister of Sister (s):
“ She can stand on her own feet, take care of others, and even boss them to an extent. Where she cannot, she would still like to very strongly…. At work is likely to be responsible, competent, and to get things done. This is particularly true where she is in some position of leadership. This position need not always be recognized officially. She will tend to identify with her superior, who must be male in order for her to accept his authority.. For men she is a hard girl to make. She tends to rebuff advances for quite a while. Often she appears so strong and independent that she discourages them anyway… She does not encourage flirtation and courtship either, much to her own regret when she has set her heart on a man who does not notice this. “

6. Youngest Sister of Sister(s):
“ She likes an adventurous and colorful life. She wants entertainment and change, and if it does not come quite as she desires, she may seek it actively, though haphazardly, and often on the spur of the moment… Although at first she is more successful with men than other girls, she is too capricious, willful, competitive, or distractible and unstable to hold her conquest after a while, or even to stay interested herself.. In almost no case would she be good leader and boss of others.”

7. Oldest Sister of Brother(s):
“She can take care of men, at least she could, if one would let her. But usually she does find opportunities. She is independent and strong in a inconspicious way. Often one only notices in retrospect how well taken, foresightful and competent her actions have been. She does not insist on the credit, at least as long as the men whom she did things for get it. She is practical, concrete, of a healthy egotism, and sometimes self-effacing, although chiefly for her men…POfficially in a leading position, she is, in general, tactful and unoffensive to those working under her, shows a strict, yet kind, efficiency, and is able to regulate work gracefully and expediently…female friends are less important to her than they would be to the oldest and youngest sister of sister(s) only. Her friendships would be on condition. Her friends would have to serve a purpose.”

8. Youngest Sister of Brother(s) :
“ She can attract men better than other girls can. This holds for most men. She is usually everything a man wants a girl to be; feminine, friendly, and kind; sensitive and tactful; submissive without being subservient, devoted; a good companion of men or at least a rather good sport… She may be oblivious of a man’s feelings and occasionally quite selfish, but seldom in serious issues nor ever when she has committed herself to a man. At work she is the ideal employee, the best person to work under somebody’s guidance. She is an excellent secretary, particularly to men. She keeps track of everything she is supposed to and does not have to told in detail… She gets along well with her male fellow workers. They find her nice, charming, considerate and trustworthy, although a little too loyal to her boss and her duties. Women do not always like her. Yet they are seldom able to put their fingers on what they are gripping about. She is not friendly enough to them. She is not on their side. “

9. Intermediary Sibling Positions:
This is the most blended of all the profiles since it factors in the experience of being a younger and an older sibling, sometimes with boys older and sometimes with girls older, and sometimes with boys or girls younger. For example, “If a boy has been the oldest of both brother(s) and sister(s) , he combines characteristics of an oldest brother of brother(s) , and an oldest brother of sister(s). He is on good terms with boys and girls alike- somewhat softened in the perfectionism that he would demonstrate as the oldest brother of brother(s) , and softened, too, in the dislike of the oldest brother of sister(s) for comradeship, male gangs , or simply being one of the boys. He is a relatively kind and tolerant leader of men.” Or another example, “ If a boy has older sister(s) and younger brother(s) and younger sister(s) he combines features of a middle brother of sisters and an oldest brother of brother(s). However he is usually on better terms with men than the first and has less need to control or even to make over the girl of his choice than the second. He would also tend to be less irritated by the fact that he can marry only one woman at a time than the first one… with a large number of siblings, there is always a tendency to split up into a smaller group. Age gaps, proximity, sex distribution, but also special events at certain times, such as migration, substitution of a parent who has left or died, loss of siblings, etc., determine the subdivision. “

10. The Only Child:
”Trivial as it may sound, the chief characteristics of the only child is that he is the only one of his kind, and that he remains a child often way into adulthood. He or she has not been used to omnipresence of other children at home. Neighbor or cousins cannot make up for it, because they are not around the house at almost all times and occasions as siblings are. .. In case of a male, the only child is used to being the favorite of two adults, his parents, their pride and joy. He is used to winning acclaim, arousing sympathy, concern, sorrow, and the like, and getting all possible support on a moment’s notice. Hence he will tend to believe at work that, here too, he should be the center of his peers’ and his superiors’ attention.. In case of a female, the only child would show similar trends. She would tend to be somewhat more capricious, extravagant, and even selfish, than other girls. It is rather difficult for her to understand what really goes on in other people’s minds, except for those few who seem to understand hers… At work- if ever she gets around to it- she is often a nuisance. Not that she could not work. She may have excellent capabilities. But she won’t do it for the purposes that her employers have in mind. She is often ready to find thousands of excuses for not doing or doing things that she is or is not, respectively, expected to. She will be a poor sport with her colleagues.

11. Twins:
“They are a twosome that is different from that of any other two siblings. They were together from birth on. There is no real senior or junior.. If they are the only children that the parents have, they will behave like brother and sister, two brothers, or like two sisters depending on what their sexes are…Hence the character portraits of the oldest and the youngest brother will blend for each of the twin boys, and that of the oldest sister and the youngest sister for the twin girls. In the case of two boys or two girls, the pairs will eventually have some trouble separating and taking the step into marriage. “

I don’t want to tag anyone, but if you find this amusing then go ahead and repost!

Posted in Family

Thank you God…

normeee — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 06:37:50 +0000

Thank you God...

From Explodingdog.com

Psychologize yourself with Colors! (props to you Rey!)

normeee — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 05:24:36 +0000

Ch-ch-chekitawt!

And so this is what ColorGenics have to say about me…(with my reactions of course ^^) ***********************************************************************************************

Name: normi
Date: 2/8/2009
Colorgenics Number: 62450371

***********************************************************************************************

You are under considerable stress and you are almost about to ‘blow your top’ but you are fortunate enough to be able to exert control. Control is the name of the game and it is so good to realise that whatever the situation may be a this time – it will pass. You need to get away from everything for a while and if you do, you will find that, strangely enough, it will seem that most of your problems and situations will seem to wash away, just as the sea may wash away ‘footprints’ in the sand. (oh please, someplace where my soul can be at peace.)

You are very talented, imaginative and sensitive but you are holding back as you do not really like going it ‘on your own’. (Thank you, thank you. You are reading me so well!) In preference you would like to team up with someone, someone with similar attributes as your own, to explore – to seek out and go perhaps ‘where no other man has trod before’. (Galing ah!) It is the unusual that attracts you and which will give you a sense of excitement and adventure.

You feel tired – worn out and listless.(*sad face then nods*) The last thing that you want to do is to be in an open conflict with those around you that are forever tormenting you. (Hahahaha!) What to do? That’s the rub. You are feeling that you are being choked – unable to breathe. (You tell me.)

You are feeling really bogged down and extremely stressed. (When will it stop?) This is perhaps due to the desire for personal independence which has been evading you for some time now. An existing situation or relationship is causing you to be extremely restless and you feel that you are unable to change the situation without co-operation. You are unwilling to expose your vulnerability and therefore you consider it inadvisable to display affection or be over demonstrative. You regard this relationship as a depressing tie, but although you want to be independent and unhampered, you do not want to risk losing anything. All this leads you to react touchily and with impatience, while the urge to get away results in considerable restlessness: your ability to concentrate may suffer.

Circumstances are such that you have been exposed to considerable stress and tension, perhaps due to unfulfilled emotional needs. (Erm, no comment.) You would like nothing better than to escape from it all by retiring to some ‘fantasy land’ where you are permitted to RELAX and get back your strength. (Please take me there!!!! Kahit sandali lang please please.) :’(

Okay. So, question now is…

Are these all true and does it have basis or is it just trying to agree with me?

Posted in Frustrations and Rants, Weird but nice

God reminds me again…

normeee — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 05:02:48 +0000

ISAIAH 42:8-13

“I am the LORD; that is my name!
I will not give my glory to another
or my praise to idols.

See, the former things have taken place,
and new things I declare;
before they spring into being
I announce them to you.”
Sing to the LORD a new song,
his praise from the ends of the earth,
you who go down to the sea, and all that is in it,
you islands, and all who live in them.

Let the desert and its towns raise their voices;
let the settlements where Kedar lives rejoice.
Let the people of Sela sing for joy;
let them shout from the mountaintops.

Let them give glory to the LORD
and proclaim his praise in the islands.

The LORD will march out like a mighty man,
like a warrior he will stir up his zeal;
with a shout he will raise the battle cry
and will triumph over his enemies.

*******

And once again, I am awed at how great this God I serve.

Lord, may you find my life, always a pleasing offering to You. When I begin to forget again, bring me to my knees like this and remind me of who You are.

You deserve to be worshiped and revered because you are Almighty.

Remind me always that

YOU ARE GOD.

Posted in Faith, What I'm passionate about

After the dust has settled

normeee — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 01:42:28 +0000

Pain is inevitable. Rejection is reality. Circumstances are not always favorable. Unfair situations prevail. People may hurt you, even by those you love. All these happen when you least expect it. I was tempted to disappear and quietly run far, far away. But God has been teaching me, as always. Sometimes I want to complain “Lord, why do you believe in me so much that you let me suffer like this?” Then I realized I should feel blessed that He refines me—teaches me to stand my ground in Him even when I am compelled to follow my human instincts (which I would like to say ‘of the world’).

I remembered asking God to give me focus and direction. One after another, distractions were thrown my way. God sure does have a weird humor like that. It just came to me that praying for focus and direction, I should be expecting the opposite to test me on that. Then Peter’s words dawned on me…

“Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you.”

Yeah. Didn’t we just dissect that verse in Thursday BS group not too far back? Tsk. God wanted me to focus so He puts me in extreme pain so that I would fix my eyes on Him more, rather than the circumstance. I’ve been feeling physically exhausted, mentally drained, emotionally dried up, spiritually down because I have been looking at the wrong things (those that I’ve mentioned above)! No wonder I felt really discouraged. Yet I thank the Lord because He allowed me to grieve…to be human so I will learn.

Today I woke up with a renewed heart and mind carrying this lesson. The Lord impressed on me Paul’s advice as I was going through my morning devotion (I like how The Message translated it)…

“Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.”

Ok, good and pure and all things that make my heart soar in the Lord. Gotcha! Now that the dust has settled, I can see clearly the path ahead–and that is to run the race and fix my eyes on Jesus.

After this ordeal, I say “Praise the Lord for what He has done!”

Posted in Depression attacks, Grown-up Lessons

The simplest yet most appreciated Christmas gift I got so far

normeee — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 03:12:34 +0000

“Ate, salamat. Kung ano man ang pinagdadaanan mo, kaya mo yan! Hehe nagpapasalamat ako ikaw ate ko. I love you Ate Mi, I am also glad that He gave you as my big sister! Hehehe! Not physically but characteristics and spirituality. You’ve taught me so much, at narealize ko na connected din ako sa lahat ng mga nangyayari sayo, malaking part ka kung sino ako ngayon. I am so proud of you Ate Normi na maganda pero minsan may pimple na okay lang kasi mahal pa rin namin sya.”

I’ve always been very grateful to God for my brothers.We usually fight and hate each other when we were kids, but God sure does know well which siblings to give you. They’ve brought me so much joy and love. Understanding and protection. And my constant laughter. Hindi tuloy ako makapagtrabaho ngayon kasi umiiyak ako. To my JV, EJ and RJ…. Guys, I love you so much and I am very proud of you. I am blessed to be your Ate. :’)

Posted in Family