Category Archives: Depression attacks

The sanguine has left the building

And I’m sad to see her go. 😦

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After the dust has settled

Pain is inevitable. Rejection is reality. Circumstances are not always favorable. Unfair situations prevail. People may hurt you, even by those you love. All these happen when you least expect it. I was tempted to disappear and quietly run far, far away. But God has been teaching me, as always. Sometimes I want to complain “Lord, why do you believe in me so much that you let me suffer like this?” Then I realized I should feel blessed that He refines me—teaches me to stand my ground in Him even when I am compelled to follow my human instincts (which I would like to say ‘of the world’).

I remembered asking God to give me focus and direction. One after another, distractions were thrown my way. God sure does have a weird humor like that. It just came to me that praying for focus and direction, I should be expecting the opposite to test me on that. Then Peter’s words dawned on me…

“Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you.”

Yeah. Didn’t we just dissect that verse in Thursday BS group not too far back? Tsk. God wanted me to focus so He puts me in extreme pain so that I would fix my eyes on Him more, rather than the circumstance. I’ve been feeling physically exhausted, mentally drained, emotionally dried up, spiritually down because I have been looking at the wrong things (those that I’ve mentioned above)! No wonder I felt really discouraged. Yet I thank the Lord because He allowed me to grieve…to be human so I will learn.

Today I woke up with a renewed heart and mind carrying this lesson. The Lord impressed on me Paul’s advice as I was going through my morning devotion (I like how The Message translated it)…

“Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.”

Ok, good and pure and all things that make my heart soar in the Lord. Gotcha! 🙂 Now that the dust has settled, I can see clearly  the path ahead–and that is to run the race and fix my eyes on Jesus.

After this ordeal, I say “Praise the Lord for what He has done!” 🙂

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Bullets…

I just got home from a very insightful (if I must say) night… thank you!

Ok now, bullets —

  • Burning a good 50+ CDs can really frustrate a person.
  • Happiness for me now is Chicken McNuggets. Gah, I’m pathetic.
  • I will adopt a kid. Seriously.
  • I still get scared of people who claim Jesus appeared to them. Kilabutan nga kayo!
  • I’ve proven that men and women are selfish. Even in the slightest way, they want to be recognized.
  • Reproductive Health Bill? Let me quote my friend, “There’s nothing wrong w/ it, it’s a question of people being responsible of their reproductive organs.” (or to that effect) HAHAHA!
  • Just to stress… I will never get married, adopt a kid and live abroad. Yes that’s my 3-year plan.
  • Soft-skin crab salad at Fish & Co. is heavenly.
  • Eagle Eye is a good movie—a ‘good’ rating from me is it’s-ok-while-it-lasted-and-I’d-forget-it-in- the-morning kind of film–really it is. But there’s always an exception, and this movie is one. Because of the cheesy ending, I discovered…
  • …I’ve turned into someone I do not want to become.

This is the downside of being in pain–you become love skeptic, as much as you try not to be.

There are more bullets in my head now but let me just leave you with that for the mean time.

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Let me cry under the trees

friendly trees

There’s something enchanting yet therapeutic about trees. Looking at this photo has made me calmer than I could ever be. It invites you to seek solace under its shady leaves, to rest by its strong trunk, and to cry while it sings to you until all your heartaches are gone. Like absorbing all your pain while your tears wet the soil beneath.

At this time I need to heal. Because the scar that has healed was cut open to bleed once more. It hurts more now than it has before.

And under the trees is just the perfect spot for me to begin healing again.

Me thanks Fabo for the photo.

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