Possibility of the Impossible True Love

Could it be that the true love you have been clamoring for is the one person you never thought could be the one? Could this true love be the one who have given you unreserved love and kept on loving you still regardless of your negligence of him (or her)?

If only this realization was as easy as appreciating an unexpected rain shower in the middle of summer, then there’d be less sorrow and misery in the world.

Could it be that when someone has started to love you long before you’ve recognized it, it is true love? For a love unreciprocated doesn’t prove to be not true, but only that—unreciprocated. Once it is acknowledged and embraced, it will be a love that will blossom to its full potential providing happiness and contentment in your life. Then you become undaunted by the world.

Could it be that you have gotten the equation backwards? Could it be true love finding you and not you looking for it?

If that were the case, then the knowledge of true love you are familiar with is challenged. What happens then when this true love finds you yet you were too occupied to notice it? Could it mean impossibility of having true love again?

Why the emphasis on “true”? Could you not be satisfied with just love, for it is love anyhow? Yet, would you be willing to settle for anything less of true for the sake of having love?

True love, however, in this scope is relative, is it not? Is it ever conceivable to have one definition of true love? If not, why do you even bother to understand it?

The more you try to comprehend it, the more it messes you up. If this confusion is what you earn from searching true love, why not cut the chase and let it find you?

But then it goes back to the very first question. What if you have been found? Sometimes your reason of true love is the one hampering you of its recognition.

Is there any way for you to see it when it is there? Could you catch a hint once it shows up?

Nevertheless, can you give this unexpected true love full access to your fragile heart? Is it worth the risk at all?

Is true love ever possible? How would you know that the true love who finds you is the one true love that you’ve been waiting for?

Can you really know?

True love is a success story in itself. Discovering true love depends on how it will be written. Its possibility lies on who holds the pen.

Written last March 23, 2010
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Looking back, I thank God he was there with me

Found this in my archived blogs. 2 years ago I was longing. I’m glad I focused on God during those times… For whatever happened, I continue to praise him. 🙂

God, when I miss holding someone’s hand, please hold mine.
Jesus, when I long for someone’s kiss and embrace, let me remember YOU ARE MY LOVER and that you satisfy me.
My Lord, when I miss hearing/listening to endearing and sweet words said to me, may Your WORD fill my heart.
My King, when I begin longing for a partner, CONSUME ME and let me see Your glory.
I want You to fill whatever emptiness I have because You are more than enough for me.

Excerpt from my journal
08/17/08

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Hindi man Valentine’s, applicable pa rin.

Sa Araw ng mga Puso
by Rico Abelardo

Mangyari lamang ay tumayo ang mga nagmamahal
Nang makita ng lahat ang mukha ng pag-ibig
Ipamalas ang tamis ng malalim na pagkakaunawaan
Sa mga malabo ang paningin.

Mangyari lamang na tumayo rin ang mga nagmahal at nasawi
Nang makita ng lahat ang mga sugat ng isang bayani
Ipadama ang pait ng kabiguan
Habang ipinagbubunyi ang walang katulad
Na kagitingan ng isang nagtaya.

Mangyari lamang ay tumayo ang mga nangangambang magmahal
Nang makita ng lahat ang kilos ng isang bata
Ipamalas ang katapatan ng damdamin na pilit ikinukubli
Ng pusong lumaki sa mga engkanto’t diwata.

Mangyari lamang na tumayo ang nagmahal, minahal at iniwan
Ngunit handa pa ring magmahal
Nang makita ng lahat ang yaman ng karanasan
Ipamalas ang katotohanang nasaksihan
Nang maging makahulugan ang paghagulgol sa dilim.

At sa mga nananatiling nakaupo
Mangyari lamang ay dahan-dahang tumalilis
Palabas sa nakangangang pinto
Umuwi na kayo!
At sumbatan ang mga magulang
Na nagpalaki ng isang halimaw.

At sa lahat ng mga naiwang nakatayo
Mangyari lamang na hagkan ang isa’t isa
At yakapin ang mga sugatan
Mabuhay tayong lahat
Na nagsisikap makabalik sa ating pinagmulan
Manatiling masaya at higit sa lahat
Magpatuloy sa pagmamahal.

Santa Claus vs. Jesus Christ

Christmas Thought #1: The difference of giving

Santa Claus gives CONDITIONALLY–you better be good all year ’round to receive a present from him; Jesus, on the other hand, gives UNCONDITIONALLY–regardless if you’ve been naughty or nice, His blessings never stopped pouring daily. Ahhh, grace. 🙂

Christmas Thought #2: The difference of seasons

Tell me if you have seen Santa Claus hohoho-ing during Valentine’s Day? Other than Christmas, he will feel so out of place the entire year. But Jesus… whatever season the year brings, He fits perfectly anytime, anywhere.

Christmas Thought #3: The difference of existence

Santa Claus is fiction. Jesus is REAL. Self-explanatory.

Realization: I’d rather celebrate Jesus Christ this Christmas season because it just makes so much sense when it’s all about Him. 🙂

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Thus, true love.

How much do I love you?
I’ll tell you no lie
How deep is the ocean?
How high is the sky?

How many times in a day
Do I think of you?
How many roses
are sprinkled with dew?
How far would I travel
Just to be where you are?
How far is the journey
From here to a star?

And if I ever lost you
How much would I cry?
How deep is the ocean?
How high is the sky?

~ETTA JAMES

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There’s just so many things to thank the Lord for…

Last Wednesday, my small group and I had a wonderful time of studying God’s word and we were all reminded to be grateful for what we have been blessed with. Thank God for the Apostle Paul for writing this to the Philippians expressing his gratefulness to them:

“I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. 11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength. 14 Yet it was good of you to share in my troubles. 15 Moreover, as you Philippians know, in the early days of your acquaintance with the gospel, when I set out from Macedonia, not one church shared with me in the matter of giving and receiving, except you only; 16 for even when I was in Thessalonica, you sent me aid more than once when I was in need. 17 Not that I desire your gifts; what I desire is that more be credited to your account. 18 I have received full payment and have more than enough. I am amply supplied, now that I have received from Epaphroditus the gifts you sent. They are a fragrant offering, an acceptable sacrifice, pleasing to God. 19 And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. 20 To our God and Father be glory for ever and ever. Amen.” ~Philippians 4:10-20 (NIV)

Learning the wisdom and truth of this passage is true joy for me already but for a small group leader, it magnifies to an even better joy (if there’s anything like that), when what is learned is applied by her small group which also influences many others. Jeni Borja, one of my dear small group members, sent me a text message telling me how our study inspired her to remind herself to be thankful every single day. So she started this campaign on her wall:

[Dated: Dec. 16] 15 days na lang before this year ends. I encourage everyone to share what you are thankful for from the Lord. Wall post everyday for 15 days and may the Lord instill to us a grateful heart at the start of 2011. Big or small, let us praise God ♥

And true enough, it was an effective tool to remind us what we usually forget–to count our blessings and be thankful for them. Not only was she doing this for herself, but she has helped remind others to focus on God and his blessings rather than be affected by the negative circumstances that we cannot control.

Just see how the usual statuses (be it SBCCers or other friends) of rants, complains and other things turned into praises, gratefulness and declarations of God’s awesomeness through his blessings. I know mine have. 🙂

Since I have not gone online for some days, I owe three-day’s worth of “I thank God for”…

1) I thank God for SBCC. For equipping me, building me up, encouraging me, bringing me joy and strengthening me in faith. I truly love this family of God. ❤
2) I thank God for the babe in the manger–JESUS. What amazing power and magnificence He held in that tiny being yet allowed himself to be confined in humanity that He may personally relate to each and everyone of us the wonderful redemptive love of God for all mankind.
3) I thank God for Jeni Borja for being an encouragement to me…at the time I needed most. I love you Jeni! ❤

So there… what is it that you thank God for? 🙂

For the mean time…

There are a lot of note-worthy thoughts that have piled up from the past days that I have not been blogging. Mostly about God, calling, church and marriage. Like a crazy beating heart registered on a monitor, it has been up and down. Yet, I’ve learned a lot just the same.

I feel like a cheat blogging right now but not really writing about those thoughts. Not yet at least. But I sure will find time to gather all my energy to put everything in a concise and sensible post.

I couldn’t thank God enough for exposing a lot of realities about myself and breaking the unrealistic expectations I have unknowingly set up for my own. God’s Word is truly amazing when it comes to instruction and teaching, rebuke and correcting. I’m blessed to have heard from people who are wise in their years and experience to share their insights on important matters.

I will have a better post than this. Forgive my episodical gush.

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Of revisiting neighborhoods and biking

Today, I woke up to a beautiful morning. Christmas breeze passing through our kitchen hall–moved me to make some toast for breakfast. As I munch on those semi-burnt toast (just the way I like it), I loved listening to the water flowing in the creek as if singing on duet with the brushing sound of the swaying leaves. A hot cereal drink and a sweet smile warmed my shivery skin. I knew this morning will make it to my most-favorites.

I walked to the garage space and inhaled some of those yuletide air. A grandma pushing a buggy with a bouncy baby boy passed by and I just couldn’t help but wave at the tot and smiled at him. The toothless granny smiled back at me for making her grandson chuckle. I felt a sense of fulfillment. As they wheeled past my big, rusty gate, I saw his tiny head take a peep and glanced back at me. Ha! I made a connection. I blew him a quick kiss and grinned. This little boy knows how to charm ladies. He flashed those pinkish gums and leaned back in his stroller. I breathed in some more and head back in.

A mountain bike parked in my garage piqued my long untapped biking expertism. I’m not one who would back down on a challenge. My legs welcomed the dare so I changed into something more sporty and convincingly pro-biker attire. Stepping out into the streets I set it upon myself to stretch my ligaments and not stop until I break a sweat.

The cool breeze and muted atmosphere proved to be a perfect time to go biking. It’s been a while since I’ve visited the neighborhood–that will be my route. With a sense of adventure, I mounted the bike and paddled away.

A lot has changed since I last went around the neighborhood. Houses of old school bus-mates (though ours was a shiny passenger jeepney) improved to more lavish structures. I didn’t see any of my old friends–it would’ve been nice though–but it was too early for anyone to chitchat. I also noticed roadblocks abound (proof that more neighbors are petlovers) and more humps were added on every street. I continued on. It was lovely to bike and go sight-seeing, reminiscing old memories when I last passed by these roads. Remembering every house I’ve been into and the childhood stuff I used to do. An old man by the store looked worriedly when he saw me smiling to myself. A quick “G’morning!” diffused any suspicions that may arise.

Visiting all the known routes, I opted to take the unfamiliar turns. I discovered a different turf–more grandiose houses, shortcuts, rough alleys and smooth paths and more friendly neighbors. I never knew my neighborhood was this amazing!
This short journey gave me plenty of deep thinking and provided me with insightful thoughts. Traveling has always been great–an essential goal for me. Be it out of town, overseas or just around the hood–it is the experience in traveling that I cherish. This morning I feel so achieved for traveling at no expense, for healthier reasons and in more eco-friendly manner. I should do this more often.

The sunlight begin to envelop the surroundings and heat begin to burn my perspiring skin. I took it as a signal to go back to homebase. I cycled with stretched calves and warmed up back muscles and thought of doing this again next week. I guess it’s true when they say biking can be addicting. I’m bound to get hooked.

Parking the mountain bike back to where I first found it, I wondered when it will find itself back there again. Waiting for my return, my brother asks how was my little biking trip. With a wide smile I replied, “Awesome!” He laughed and took my new found friend back to its rightful owner.

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Saturday nostalgia

It is around this time when I would go to class and burn my braincells over readings and lectures in gradschool. Scurrying to the library every break time to reserve this and that book for the next writing assignment. Oftentimes lappy would complain that battery’s running low and I haven’t typed a single word to start nth reaction for the poems discussed the past week. I would walk the halls and into the cold classroom in a zombie-like manner because I haven’t had a decent sleep the night before worrying about what the professor will ask in class the next day. Bag would almost tear up because of the thick reading papers I stuff it with and literally drag it to school. My co-worker/classmate would feel pity for me but she proves to be a good Samaritan–she kept my bolts intact.

I knew graduate school would be stressful but I didn’t expect it to take so much out of your life. Now I understand friends who have accomplished their units, earned that MA and finally getting their life back. I might have dreaded going into the program on some days, especially when deadline stares coldly back at me, but the knowledge I acquire every time is so worth it. You may say that I miss the stress I have brought upon myself. Hence the nostalgia in this gloomy Saturday afternoon.

But I do not regret one single bit that I put it on hold for life to happen. I can (will) never replace knowledge with the richness of life. Learning is not confined in institutions, methinks. Learning continues even after a Ph.D.

I can always go back to gradschool and finally finish what I’ve started. I believe if it’s within the will of the Lord, it shall be so–and acquiring knowledge and wisdom are definitely part of that. Yet, to let go of this to give priority to what is more important is what I’m after. What you take from life is dependent on what you value.

And I value–
Family…
Love…
God.

No one can earn a masters degree on these. Unless you know and understand who the Master is.

Not everything is a big deal

Sometimes I wonder if I’m a difficult person. Maybe I am.

But maybe, I just want to have a break. Conversations shouldn’t always end up with discussions that are exhausting and discouraging.

Why does it always have to be a big deal to some people? It was just a card, for crying out loud!!!

I wonder if this will always be the case. I’m already tired and I haven’t been in that phase yet.

Don’t go asking why a sanguine like me ended mute. I needed to rest.